Rick,

It has taken me a few days to put my thoughts together to tell you what you have meant to me. It isn’t because I had to figure out what to put down, it is more organizing the thoughts. I love our life together, it isn’t perfect but I am happy. You have shown me love that I have never thought would come. You have my heart in the palm of your hand and no matter what has come at us you have been my rock.  I have tried to be there for you in every event/issue that you have had. You are such a strong willed, loving and unselfish man, and let someone try to argue that and I will totally prove them wrong. Like I have said before, I wish we had gotten together sooner. I often thought what OUR kids would have been like if we had that chance.  What OUR life would have been like. Life throws us so many curve balls. We both went our separate ways as young adults and had experiences, made mistakes, been married to the wrong people. Had wonderful kids. Now having beautiful Grandchildren.

I love you more than I could ever put into words. I tried to show you as much as possible and I hope you felt it like I felt it from you. I care about how you feel. I care about how you are feeling with all this cancer mess. I am sad that you are so angry and I cannot fix it. My heart holds so much hope and love for you. I am proud of you for going for that NP. Not many men would be willing to go back to school in the middle of their life. I support you in any endeavor. I know you can succeed in anything you put your mind to. You are smart witty and have a great memory. You have the caring and compassionate nature and I only wish that I could have half of that quality.

I am going to fight as long as I can to be here for you and the kids and grand babies. The thought of ever leaving you kills me inside.  My thought is that I will do the radiation. The chemo I will try and if I get sick and barely functional, I will stop it. I don’t want to live my life like that. If it starts affecting organs…I’m done. I need to be able to spend time with you. Making love, making memories, being with you and the rest of the family completely lucid and happy. I don’t want to be an absent grandparent to any of the kids. All the memories we have made together I hold close to my heart. I love you, no doubt in my mind. You are my everything..